April 13 – Conspiracies

When you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you achieve it.

-Paulo Coelho

 

Sometimes I feel like the opposite is true. Like on the night before I have more video interviews to do, I’m tired, but I can’t sleep. This is rare for me and it actually matters because it’s a video interview – ideally I look like a normal person instead of an exhausted zombie. And this one is with someone in my group who actually posts them and has more than two people that watch them. In other words, people will actually see it.

And then two people wake me up in the night for various reasons (which, like I said a couple days ago, is usually rare, but seems to be happening a lot more lately). And it takes a while to get back to sleep each of those times. And then my alarm goes off.

Alarms are obviously proof the universe is conspiring against me. I mean come.on. If I was ready to be awake, I would be already.

On the night I really need my beauty sleep, there’s no way I’m going to get it. Doesn’t that feel like a conspiracy to you??

‘Course, maybe this really is helping me achieve my goal. Maybe it’s helpful looking like an exhausted person who can’t possibly have anything figured out because duh – look at those shadows under her eyes!!! Doesn’t she know anything about makeup? (No. The answer to that is no. My makeup skills stop at mascara. Sometimes they try to extend to include eyeliner, but that’s an iffy inclusion to the skills arena. It’s so dang hard to draw a straight line on my own eye.) Maybe this will connect me with my target audience all the more effectively. Maybe this is the universe having my back.

Also it may be true that I am stressed by the fact that these interviews have to be short. Which means I have to pay attention to the time. Which means it’s hard to be present in the conversation because I’m trying to not go over time. Which is apparently difficult for me. I seem to be either an hours long or one minute conversation person. That in between time limit is a confusing, murky place where nothing makes any sense.

And that makes me not really want to do it. Which may have influenced my procrastination on preparing myself. Procrastination down to the ten minutes before bed last night. Perhaps.

So in summation, I’ve conspired against myself and am attempting to blame the universe for it. Sounds about right.

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