March 20, 2016

Today is that day I lounge in bed, tv going in the background, kids on their devices for far too long, husband with his volleyball team he’s had to miss for far too long, finally realizing the illness that’s been dogging me is no longer treatable with a brisk walk in morning air. It’s finally demanding attention and me laying in bed is my attempt to give it.

Problem is, I don’t have any interesting shows to catch up on. I’m already caught up.

So I’ve got the tv on to something I’m not super interested in, my phone in hand, scrolling through things I’ve already read. I’m bored. I’m never bored. I’ve always got a list of 100 things I will do when I get a spare day.

But I’m bored. None of the things on my list seem doable today. So I’m typing even though I’d decided weekends should not be included in the every stinkin day I was referring to when deciding to write every stinkin day.

There are a few reasons I have never done this daily publishing thing before. There have been lots of times I’ve started a daily writing routine, and lots of times I’ve written things I intended to put out. I’ve never combined the two – the daily and the putting it out.

I’ve always wanted to take the time to write it, think about it, make sure it’s not offensive and it’s what I really think. Perfect it.  And now I’m doing the opposite of that. No real thinking time with an hour deadline, and definitely not a proper amount of time to make sure it’s not offensive. And I’ll probably realize that while I thought what I wrote was what I really thought, the core of the matter is probably a little different.

Oh well.

The point of this isn’t to come up with something great or amazing or impressive. It’s to put a piece of me out to the world An unrefined, unimpressive, unperfected little piece of my mind. Even when it’s a bored, in pajamas, in bed with the tv in the background little piece.

So I’m showing up, and risking that I bore people, or allow them to see I’m really not as smart as I want to be, to notice my mistakes, or far worse – offend somebody.

I’m not a fan of conflict – at all. I’m not sure anyone is really a fan, but some people don’t seem to mind it. I not only mind it, I actively avoid it at (almost) all costs. And if I regularly write out what I am actually thinking, and make that available to people to actually read, I’m pretty sure someone will get their feelings hurt or be mad. It seems unavoidable. Not because I’m a mean person or think horrible things about people, but because I’m just talking generically. I’m not honing my message to the person I’m talking to like I do in real life.

Everyone does that, right? Shape what you’re saying based on who you’re talking to?

So I‘m taking this sick day to say sorry if something you read here is offensive or hurtful. I’m sure something will be one of these days. Every stinkin day is a long time, there’s gotta be something I put out that annoys you. I guess if no one ever finds offense I’m probably doing it wrong. You can’t write honestly (although, I NEVER agreed to that) and keep everyone happy. So I apologize now. Please forgive me and come back when you’re ready to read something else. If you want.
And now there’s a new show on, and it’s an episode I haven’t seen yet. Looks like it’s time to get back to lounging. Looks like my time is up.

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